eek.

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i love airports and airplanes. i find the technology of flight completely fascinating. it's probably in my genes--my grandfather was a flight navigator during WWII and my dad works in aerospace engineering.

i have many irrational fears (fish, water, large animals, falling, marriage, etc.), but this one probably takes the cake--i hate flying.

the last time i flew anywhere by myself was in december 2006... it was either then or the year before that i had a total panic attack. i couldn't feel anything in my body from the neck down, i was shaking, i couldn't breathe or move my legs, and my hands shriveled up so bad i couldn't pry them open! it was scary, my hands seriously looked like i had a dire case of arthritis.

the last time i flew, period, was with todd in january 2007. i cried during takeoff and squeezed the life out of his hand/arm... just ask him. i'm okay for the rest of the flight as long as i can talk someone's ear off (nervous habit) about all the great things i'm finding in InStyle magazine, which i always read on planes.

i don't drink alcohol... but if i did, i would get plastered before flying.

according to nova, the odds of dying in a plane crash are really bad--about one in 11 million or .000009 percent. the odds of dying in a car crash are one in 5,000 or .02 percent. but nova points out an important fact--people are less afraid when they are in control (car) than when they have no control (plane), so we're less afraid to drive even though we're much more likely to have a fatal accident.

so i suppose my fear is actually having zero control over the situation. interesting, but that still doesn't make it any better!

i'm flying to oregon on thursday, and the goal is no panic attacks! two hours, five minutes (faster if we're lucky). i can do it. eek.